Saturday, 10 March 2007

Selections from A Secret History of Paris

Personals, 885 AD
Vikings seek women:
moonlit strolls, romance. Don’t make
us lay siege to you . . .

Seat of the Holy Roman Empire Moves from Paris to Aachen
Charlemagne, weary
of wine, samples quite a nice
imported lager.

The Picture of Henri the Fourth (Survivor of 23 of 24 Assassination Attempts)
Locked away, visage
melting from skull. Chanced upon
by the charwoman.

Sun King Passes Judgement
Paris: the new Rome.
Louis drops his drawers, moons it,
rules France from Versailles.

Madame de Pompadour
Midwife of the Age
of Reason and patron saint
of the Teddy Boys.

Joseph Michel Montgolfier, to His Brother
“Is it just me, Jacques,
or does this city simply
pong to high heaven?”

1789: Advent of the Unscrupulous Promoter
Oversells tickets
to inmate production of
musical Bastille!

Napoleon Passes through Paris
“I’ll be right back, ‘k?
Just have to take care of some
business in Belgium.”

Shortest Distance between Two Points
Lost in a labyrinth
of alleys, Haussmann can’t find
his favourite brothel.

Speaking of Straight Lines
Young Gustave Eiffel
cruises Montmartre, discovers
he is impotent.

Miracle on the Marne Cripples Post-War France
Thousands of taxis
drive troops to the front. Alas,
meters are running.

Excusez-moi, madame, mais où est le Louvre?
Artists converge on
Montparnasse, ill-trained in the
art of map reading.

Theories of History: Great Man vs. Chaos
“Être, avoir, faire—
these goddamn irregular
French verbs,” fumes Adolph.

May 1968
Sorbonne chapter of
Alpha Delta House. Kegger
gets way out of hand.

Uh, Yeah, Entranceway . . .
Mitterand and Pei,
closet Raelians, build a
sign for our forebears.

1 comment:

Kelly T said...

Very very very very nice.
Thanks for posting!!!
K